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We all take the time to learn a new skill or trait, whether it is for work, school, or to pursue a hobby. We were not born knowing how to walk, tie our shoes, use words to communicate to each other, or ride a bike, but we are pretty good at those things today. So, how are those seemingly simple things different from the areas you want to work on changing now? They’re not. 

The process of change remains simple. First, recognize that there is something that you want to change. Second, recognize that you need to do something differently in order for it to change—such as practicing more—just like you did when learning to tie your shoe. Today you don’t have to put any thought into it. Your unconscious mind does the work. 

This is the way the mind works. When it learns and practices something new enough times, it develops implicit memory and the new behavior or response happens automatically. We won’t get into all the technical, psychological side of it here, but it is important to understand how your mind works, especially when you’re looking to make changes in your life. 

Here’s another example: have you ever driven home from work and spaced out, and when you finally got home you could not remember how you got from point A to point B?  What you experienced here was autopilot. This happens when your unconscious mind knows the way, releasing your conscious mind from having to pay close attention. This is happening all the time. Your unconscious mind quickly adapts to new, practiced thoughts, behaviors, and actions of all kinds. It’s why you brush your teeth in the same order every day (don’t you?). It’s why you can walk to the bathroom at night in the dark or with your eyes closed without bumping into anything. It’s why activities you do through your job or a sport you play are so easy—you’ve changed your mind by training it. 

All change eventually gets accommodated by your mind. Even scary changes will one day feel normal. What starts out feeling hard will slowly become habit, second nature. New ways of thinking and acting will eventually feel natural. 
And what does this mean? That change is only uncomfortable for a little while. Now, you just need to learn how to make it through that challenging period at the onset of change. You need to break the change cycle. 

Break Through the Change Cycle 
Nothing in life stands still. Science has shown us that the entire human body—every cell—completely regenerates itself within a span of about seven years. Brain scientists and psychologists have agreed that in each moment our brains are taking in new information and our minds are constantly assimilating this information into our neural network of thoughts, beliefs, and associations. 

You cannot have a new experience without it literally changing your mind, and life cannot exist without continuous growth and expansion. You are actually changing as you read these words. You are moving, growing, expanding, and changing. It is no secret that the world around you is constantly changing as well. 

We live in a time of unprecedented change, as technology expands our reach and capabilities and as global connectivity transforms our borders and cultures. There is no question: You are changing. The wonderful thing is that you have the power and ability to direct changes in your life. In fact, that’s what you’re reading this blog. Reaching for goals, by its very nature, means making changes. Even when you’re not actively working toward what you desire, what you feel, think, say, and believe about your life is constantly putting change into motion. 

You are creating your life as you go along, so you might as well create it intentionally. 

What determines your success or failure, and whether you direct your life’s change or feel like a victim of it, is a choice. YOU ARE AT A CHOICE POINT. You can choose to continue on with your life as you currently are living it, letting the external world and your past dictate what you experience, or you can choose to create your life to be everything that you dream.

Even if your gung-ho about transforming your life, there is an important obstacle you need to address in order to be successful. Most people find deliberate change to be a difficult process. Many well-intentioned people have changes they want to make in their lives and goals they want to reach, but they get stuck repeating the same “change cycle” over and over again. Below you’ll find this common cycle, and you’ll most likely find it to sound oddly familiar because most people experience this process of inspiration and resistance when they face a decision to change. 

1.  Discontent—You grow increasingly unhappy and discontent with an area of your life. You “hang in there,” tolerate, ignore, repress, or otherwise deal with the circumstance because it is comfortable and familiar, and you fear change. 

2. Breaking Point—Eventually your level of discontent builds high enough that you cannot take it anymore. You reach a “breaking point,” either through exhaustion or due to a dramatic event occurring that triggers the break. 

3. Decision—You decide you’re ready to change and declare that you will no longer tolerate the undesirable situation. You take the first step toward change, giving you a short-lived sense of hope. 

4. Fear—Usually, shortly (or immediately) after your feelings of empowerment, you encounter your fear. You become uncomfortable and anxious about the idea of changing. You doubt your decision. Both options look bleak. You feel helpless, empty. 

5. Amnesia—The fear of change grows strong enough that it makes the original situation look much better than you originally thought. You perceive the original situation as less anxiety-producing than the change. You’re used to it; it’s comfortable; it’s familiar. Plus, it has become part of your identity, so you resist letting it go. You temporarily forget why you wanted to change it so badly. 

6. Backtracking—Most people choose to go back to or stick with the item they wished to change. You essentially talk yourself out of changing. 

Inevitably, you soon will find yourself unhappy and discontent once again. Your level of pain will continue to increase until you reach another breaking point, this time even more extreme and more painful. This cycle will continue until one of two things happen: 

1. Extreme Pain: You have a breaking point that is severe enough to push through the change cycle. For many people, unfortunately, it takes an extreme circumstance to push them to evolve, such as major financial loss, job loss, loss of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, a severe accident, or a nervous breakdown. You see, your True Self knows what you truly want and will lead you to it. If you resist changing long enough, something will happen in your life that will put you in a position where you have NO CHOICE but to change. 

You do not need to wait until there’s a flood to move your home away from the shoreline. 

2. Self-Honesty: You have the humbling experience of realizing that there’s a part of you that doesn’t really want to change. You are comfortable with your habits, with what you know. You have a lot of fear that holds you back. You have many self-limiting beliefs. You receive some sort of benefit from staying where you are. You are unhappy because you want to be unhappy. You are addicted to the situation. You believe your pain is you; it’s your story. You can see your resistance to letting it go. Only after reaching this level of self-honesty can you truly choose to change.

Can you see how this change cycle has impacted your life? Are you ready for it to stop? Have you experienced change amnesia before? If so, you know that the more you move toward the changes you want the stronger your fear and resistance will become. Are you ready to swallow the pill of self-honesty, even if it is hard, because you are tired of being dissatisfied? Are you ready to take responsibility for your life and create the life you dream of having? Are you at the point where you will accept nothing less than what you truly want? 

Consider the following reasons you may have been allowing yourself to fall victim to this cycle: 

You don’t want to change. You don’t really want the thing you think you want. You may be trying to convince yourself to change to appease others or conform to what you believe you “should” do. If you don’t want to change, accept it. This is very common with people who say they want to quit smoking. They don’t really want to quit, they simply think they should quit. It never works. You have to want it. 

You don’t know what you want. You don’t know what you really want or you’re not allowing yourself to think about what you really want because you don’t think you can have it. So, you end up thinking you want things that aren’t what you TRULY want, and your True Self knows it. You’ll never feel inspired enough to follow through on change if it isn’t even what you want. Try imagining what you would want if time, money, and people did not limit you. 

Your dream isn’t big enough. The reward isn’t big enough. You aren’t excited. Happiness is excitement. Passion is what makes you willing to endure to attain a goal. What would you do anything to attain? 

You’re letting your fear be bigger than you. You don’t believe you can do it. You don’t trust yourself. You put everyone else before yourself. You’d rather tolerate severe pain than face temporary discomfort. Are you really willing to settle? Isn’t the fear of being stuck in a life you don’t want and missing out on your dreams more painful than the temporary experience of changing? 

You are attached to your problem. Your ego and identity are wrapped up in your problem, and you fear that if you let go of your problem you’ll have nothing to talk about. Who would you be? Would it be better? 

You’re benefiting from your problem. The benefit you’re receiving from not changing is bigger than your perceived benefit from changing. It gives you an excuse and something to talk about. It allows you to hide deeper issues from yourself and others. 

What are you holding onto? How does it benefit you to not change? Failure no longer has to be an option. Neither does doing nothing and staying stuck where you are. If you’re facing a potential change that’s nagging at you to be made, take some time in self reflection and be brutally honest with yourself. Is your desire for more, for fulfillment, for happiness finally strong enough that you are willing to encounter the obstacles and endure the fear? If so, congratulations, you will succeed—you are ready to break through!

There is a series of worksheet exercises and activities to help you embrace change that will be sent to you if you sign up for this blog at

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08/02/2016 6:51am

life is a great lesson for us. Some times many problems come in our life. Then we should stay on right path. Positive thoughts can changes our life.


Rewriting an article takes minutes in comparison to how long the writer may have taken to do a rewrite. The problem remains that there is not a law about rewriting something as your own words, especially for content.

12/29/2016 12:31am

Being positive is always a sign of a healthy living. Always surround yourself with positive people that will help you go on right track. Never believe on negative people. They will always try to drag you down and destroy your self-confidence. Trust your talents, your character, and yourself. They can't change you. It is you who can change yourself.

01/04/2017 7:08am

Keep your ideas and content up to date is a mechanism called learning changes. Thanks for a good advice.

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08/23/2017 3:58am

The positive behavior of author Kathy connor is really impressive. She talked about to dream big and set you goal to such level where no one can believe but only you can believe to achieve such goal. It is always interesting to read such positive blogs.


Change is a part of life, in different phases.

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Learn to earn, as change is a rule of nature.,

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    Author Jennifer Archibald

    Reflections of life and lessons learned in the fields of marketing and agriculture.  A place to shout from the roof tops our clients success and keep you up to date on industry trends.


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